What if...?

Recently I’ve come across the feeling that maybe everything is planned from the day we are born. We just have different paths we can choose to take and those lead to the experiences we need to experience to learn from. It’s what makes us the person we are and to be honest, although I have been through A LOT in my short life, I don’t regret one thing about it. I don’t regret losing the ‘friends’ that I had because they obviously didn’t care enough about me anyway. I don’t regret having as many boyfriends that I have had because it’s taught me not to trust everything they say and not to fall for everything they say, after all, how do we not know they aren’t saying this to every other girl in their phone book?

But what happens if we doubt the paths we choose? What if we chose the other path? What if instead of dating Kyle, I dated Luke? Would I still be with him? Would he still be the sweet man who stayed up all night talking to me on the phone just because I couldn’t sleep or would he turn out to be just that way to get me in a relationship? Would I be happy with Luke like I was with Kyle at the start? I’ve been thinking a lot about what if’s lately basically because I have nothing better to do but more so because I’ve realised that I’m 24 in just a couple of days and I’ve done only one thing out of many that I thought I would have done by now and I’ve gone back over the major events in my life to see if I could have chosen another path and what was the reason for me choosing the path I did take. Should I be second guessing myself? I mean I love that I’m wise for my age because of the things I’ve been through but what if I had a genie appear and ask me if I wanted to see what my life would be like if I chose a different path? Would I say yes? Hell yes!

I’d love to know where I could possibly be right now if I’d picked a different person/answer. But because this isn’t a Disney movie, I will accept that I chose the path that I took for a reason. So really, why am I second guessing my decisions now? Shouldn’t I just accept it and try to make the best of future decisions? I know that the lessons I will learn will only further prepare me for what is to come and what my fate holds for me. I know that I am a good person and that I will eventually have my happy ending and just because some say I’m bitter doesn’t necessarily mean I am. I do believe that there will be a couple of people that will be the loves of my life (don’t believe in the ONE) and I just need to not fear it and open up my mind to what opportunities are out there for me instead of hiding away behind my laptop and my characters that I created. I know that no one will live up to my vampire-hunting, drop dead sexy character Xavier so no I have not set my standards too high…not yet anyway.

So, here’s to taking chances and not being afraid of opportunities that present themselves to me J